Plaid Problems

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Dear Plaid Problem Guru,

Yesterday I tripped on the stairs. Today I tripped again. The day before yesterday I also tripped, but that day I had a heavy backpack on and fell in front of a classmate. She laughed, and I felt like crawling into my bed and remaining there for the rest of the semester. (Well actually…the rest of my high school career, but I won’t get ahead of myself.) Suffice to say, this has not been my week. Oh wise plaid problem guru, help me to eliminate my clumsy feet.

 

Dear Clumsy Feet,

I see your struggle…quite literally since I was the classmate that laughed at you. To solve your problem, attach wings to your shoes so that you can fly over all the stairs and the uneven floors at school. With wings on your shoes you will also be able to get to class faster and avoid the hoards of students in the hallways, although you may fly into some trouble if you crash into the Holy Spirit mid-flight. To find such wings, please visit the Spirit Store in St. Catherine’s. However, the wings are only available to those OLP students who have exemplified what it means to be an OLP student: maintained a 6.5 GPA, been C10 President, and shaken hands with Amelia Earhart. Please heed my advice carefully in order to avoid future falling fiascos.

 

 

 

Dear Ever – Enlightened Plaid Problem Sage,

I need your help. Desperately, ever so desperately. The problem with the new turquoise chairs is spinning out of control. These chairs, although quite lovely to look at, have become quite a monstrosity in my life. Every time (EVERY STINKING TIME) I want to get out of my chair, WHOOSH I am suddenly sliding to the back of the classroom. The classroom floors are uneven and the wheels on my chair follow the incline and I unexpectedly end up in a different part of the room. *deep breath* Please give me some much needed guidance, or a leveling tool.

 

Dear Sitting with Setbacks,

For your slippery slope issue, I have a simple solution. Arrive to school extremely early so that no one will see you (or hear you). Bring along a hammer and some nails in an unassuming black bag and then tiptoe to your Block A classroom. Pull a bobby pin out of your hair to pick the lock on the door. Then find your seat in the classroom and nail down the wheels of your chair into the floor. This might be extremely difficult but as an OLP student you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. Sneak out of the classroom, lock the door (as if you were never there) and continue to put nails in all of your chairs in each class that you take. This solution will ensure that your chair will never move again and you can safely get in and out of you seat without the cumbersome sliding.

Photos by Caroline Muñoz ’18
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